Select Page

Guest post by Roger Fields

Since the government is daily inventing new policies to crush the rights of Americans anyway, I say we at least do it in a manner that saves time and money. Combine TSA with ObamaCare. You could get a medical exam while you are going through airport screening. Think of the possibilities!

“Mr. Anderson,” says the TSA worker, “You are cleared to board your flight and since we noticed a slight hemorrhoid issue, here’s a prescription you can get filled at the airport Star Bucks before you board.”

“Miss Kelly Ann,” says another TSA worker, “You are now free to board your flight to Chicago. And we thought you would be pleased to know that Ernie in the Enhanced Pat Down Room says that the lump in your breast is benign. No worries.”

The only snag to this is that due to our fear of profiling, Muslims will eventually feel slighted. As TSA allows them to skate through airport screening they will—at some point–notice that they are being denied health care. They will demand to be x-rayed and groped like the rest of us, and that will open the door to actually screening Muslims. Flying will be safer and Muslims will be happy about the free health care. I see a Nobel Peace prize on the horizon for this idea.

For my liberal friends who suffer from HDS (Humor Deficiency Syndrome), I am only joking. But here’s an idea I am not joking about.

Let’s keep a sharp eye open for anyone who now applies for work with TSA. What better job for a sexual deviant than being paid by the federal government for groping body parts and looking at naked pictures? The application pool is sure to be a goldmine for identifying deviants. That is, if we are willing to profile them.